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Conflict Addiction and Other Barriers to Settlement

By Rachel Fishman Green
September 28, 2006

People often have logical and sound reasons for refusing to settle divorce-related matters: The offer isn't fair or the parties have concerns about future financial security. However, sometimes we, with an outsider's perspective, can see that something other than a desire to get a better deal is at work: We see a stubborn resistance to any settlement. The divorcing parties may have been told and understand that, logically, both of them cannot get everything that they want, but they refuse to budge.

One scenario that comes to mind when the subject of mulish divorcing parties is broached is this year's case of Dr. Nicholas Bartha, whom authorities say imploded his Upper-East Side apartment around his own head rather than let his wife have any share in it. His action followed years of rancorous fighting in the court system, and he had lost; the house was to be sold at auction and the proceeds divided. Rather than allow his ex-wife to win the 'game,' Dr. Bartha apparently chose to destroy the prize ' and himself. Although his response to the conflict of divorce was extreme, his actions illustrate the lengths to which people may go to avoid letting their spouses come out ahead.

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