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How to Represent the Non-Biological Parent in a Custody Fight

By Kenneth David Burrows
June 30, 2005

It seems simple enough: Two women, having made an emotional commitment to each other, registered as domestic partners and participated in a ceremonial marriage (New York, of course, does not permit same-sex couples to enter into a civil marriage). They decide to start a family, and one of them was inseminated. The other rearranges her work schedule so that she can be the child's primary caregiver. They agree informally that they will each be the parent of any children born. The non-biological mom (NBM) attends each insemination appointment with her partner and, once she becomes pregnant, each of the biological mother's (BM) prenatal appointments.

When the child is born, the NBM is in the delivery room. She is the first to hold, feed, change and bathe their daughter. When the child comes home, the NBM becomes her primary caretaker. She is responsible for feeding, changing, and bathing her, and taking her to all doctors' appointments. She is the first person the child sees in the morning and the last at night.

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