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The Value of a Divorce Coach

By Vicki Carpel-Miller

One effective way to explain the benefits of a divorce coach to matrimonial attorneys is to ask them questions:

  • Have your clients acted inappropriately in your office or in settlement meetings by engaging in such conduct as bickering, crying, yelling, walking out, blaming or calling the other party or attorney names?
  • Have you ever run into an impass in your negotiations that presents a challenge?
  • Have you ever felt frustrated with your client or the other lawyer in a case?
  • Are you ever at a loss as to how to handle clients' strong emotions when you meet with them alone or in a settlement meeting?
  • Have you ever had cases that you felt were appropriate for collaboration, where the clients and lawyers got started but then the clients disengaged from the collaborative process somewhere along the way?

Most attorneys will respond affirmatively to one or more of these questions. They then begin to focus on the exact nature of their concerns: their client's emotional impediments to participating in the productive resolution of the divorce. Having identified the importance of each client's emotional welfare during divorce, the next question is how to help clients deal effectively and efficiently with the rigors they will face during the divorce process.

In answer to this question, the lawyer usually concludes that involving a mental health professional is the ideal approach to assisting clients to work through their issues. In support of this conclusion, I offer my own experience of working on collaborative cases ' with full teams: two collaborative lawyers, two mental health professionals functioning as divorce coaches, a child specialist and a financial specialist, all part of the core team.

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